Sunday, February 6, 2011

Where I've Been...

I haven't posted here in a long time. I could cite a lot of reasons (work, housework, needing to sleep more than 6 hours per night, etc.), but in reality, I've simply been an observer of the online world instead of a participant in it.

I'm going to try to change that, although I plan to take baby steps. Life is simply incredibly busy right now. But some improvement is better than none, right?

One of my last posts before I fell off the face of the earth, was about how I was finally fed up with my diet; feeling overweight and generally gross. So for my first post, I wanted to give you a brief update on how all that has been going.

My friend Emily said recently that my weight loss journey would have been fun to chronicle here...but frankly, I was and am still too embarrassed of how far gone I was...how literally gross I looked and felt.

So here's the story (in as much detail as I can comfortably provide):

Last summer when we moved, I lost a bunch of weight the weekend we moved and directly afterward. And that makes sense: I was moving boxes, hauling large pieces of furniture, eating very little for days at a time as we struggled to finish moving over the course of a single weekend (people who move in a day, I don't see how you accomplish it)... And then after the initial move was over, there was the unpacking, the organizing, the running back and forth to the hardware store for paint, tools, and other random bits needed to fix up our new nest. Overall, I lost between 10 and 15 pounds at the start of the summer. And sadly, I got used to eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, because I was working it all off.

But in reality, I was deluding myself. I wasn't in great shape, even before the move (as numerous pictures from last year's prom can attest -- honestly, I looked like I was pregnant). And although I lost a bit of weight during and immediately after the move, I gained it all back, plus more. By the time I was willing to admit I had a problem, my problem was a big one. This past spring, I had gone shopping with my mom and discovered that I needed to buy pants in the next size up. For some reason, that failed to get my attention, even though it obviously signaled that I had gained some weight. But then, things got even worse: by mid-summer, the pants and other clothes I bought in the spring, the ones that were a size larger than those I had been wearing? Yeah, those clothes were too tight too.

Realizing that I had a choice between buying all new clothes in a still larger size or getting a grip on my life and health was a wake-up call. I knew that I had to change my habits and my life and that I had to do it quickly and permanently. So I made some hard decisions (or, at least, decisions that were hard for me at the time):

1. I gave up drinking soda, and I did it cold turkey. For those of you who don't think soda and caffeine are addictive, let me tell you about the dark days following that decision. I had cravings non-stop. I literally dreamed about drinking Dr. Pepper out of a chilled, ice-filled glass. One night in particular the dream was so vivid that I woke up in a panic, convinced that I had relapsed and actually had been drinking the soda. It took my husband (who probably thought I had completely lost it) about 10 minutes to convince me otherwise.

2. I immediately cut back on how much and how often I was eating. Even though every health magazine and weight loss company known to man touts the effectiveness of journaling what you eat, it really is true. Forcing myself to write down everything I put in my mouth was an immediate check to my eating. Did I really want to have to look back at my weekly consumption and see that Snickers bar staring back at me? No, I didn't. In my own, admittedly amateur opinion, I'm a combination grazer and emotional eater. Being a grazer means that I'm a great person to invite to your parties: I will eat your food all evening and praise you endlessly for it. However, it also means that I continue to eat long after I'm full, just because the food is available. Being an emotional eater means that I use food as comfort: if I'm sad, I eat. Likewise, if I'm happy, angry, pensive, thoughtful, etc., I'm going to eat.

What all this means is that I had to completely re-think and re-do my eating habits.

3. For several months, I completely cut red meat out of my diet. Now, I will be the first to admit that red meat gets a bum rap for all sorts of health problems (increasing the risk of heart disease, raising cholesterol, etc.). But my purpose in giving it up had nothing to do with any of that. It was simply easier for me to stick to my diet if I gave it up. So, for example, whenever my husband wanted to barbeque hamburgers, I had a chicken breast fillet instead of a burger. Whenever he wanted hot dogs, I had a chicken sausage (Member's Mark chicken, spinach, and asiago cheese sausages from Sam's Club -- delish!). All these little changes, over time, added up to big differences in my health, my weight, how my body looked, and how I felt about myself.

And so.............without further ado.................

Here are my current results. I say current, because I'm not done yet. And, as Emily suggested, I'll be documenting the journey from here on out.

1. I have currently lost a total of 40 lbs. In practical terms, here's how that breaks down:

When I started my weight loss journey, I had a BMI that was officially in the obese category. Now, I'm on the high end of the normal range.

I have had every single pair of pants I own (minus those I've bought recently, of course) taken in. I can't even begin to explain how good it felt to feel the seamstress grab a HANDFUL of fabric and know that it was all extra fabric that was going to be cut away. I can't explain how good it felt as I drove away from the seasmstress's shop to hear my mother say from the passenger's seat, "My God, Kristen, you've lost at least 4 or 5 inches from your waist! Those pants were just huge. I can't believe they ever fit you." Not only that, but pants that I've bought since I started losing weight are getting a little baggy. Some of the women I work with have started to tease me that those need to be taken in now too.

I've dropped three dress sizes -- officially. I was always in the 10-12 range since high school. And based on American measurements, I was considered normal. I never thought I would ever again wear a dress sized in the single digits. But now, here I am.

2. I now work out at least 3-4 days each week. Even if I don't make it to the gym, I have several DVDs and at-home routines I've torn out of magazines that I can work through. I've come to the conclusion that it isn't so important that I go to the gym and work out every day for x number of hours. Instead, I try to make exercise a part of my daily life, but if I miss a day, I don't make myself crazy over it. I just start fresh the next day. Eliminating the idea that missing a workout was a "failure" was difficult for this perfectionist, but it's been so worth it in the long run. Missing one workout doesn't make me a failure, just like going to the gym every day for a week isn't going to magically get me back to the weight I was in high school.

3. I have discovered the joys of walking. I love going for walks around our neighborhood (I actually drove my car through the neighborhood this past summer to map out a 3-mile route). I walk with a playlist I made for my iPod that is composed only of songs that have at least 100 bpm (beats per minute). That's the minimum I've found that will get my heart rate up and keep it up for the duration of my walk. One afternoon I left for my walk and had gotten about a quarter mile from my house when the battery charge in my iPod went dead. That day was a turning point for me. The old me would have turned back and gone home and not walked. I would have charged the iPod and thought, "Well, maybe tomorrow..." The new me kept walking. The only songs I could remember that definitely had 100 bpm were those I had recently learned in a CPR refresher course: "Stayin' Alive" by The BeeGees and "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen. By the time I finished my 3 miles and stretched out in the driveway, I was sick of The BeeGees and Queen. But the point was, I finished. The old me would have quit. The new me had a funny story to tell at lunch the next day.

4. Today, I welcome new challenges: at my cousin and aunt's urging, I've signed up for my first half marathon. I'm really enjoying training for it, and I'm looking forward to walking it with my family.

I've changed the way I cook and the way I serve food. I felt like I had to find a happy medium between the foods my husband and I love to eat and eating healthier. So I've adapted a lot of things and changed the way I eat them. (I'll be posting some of those recipes in the days to come.)

I also enjoy food in moderation now. As I said earlier, I gave up red meat for a couple months at the beginning of my weight loss journey. When I had lost 25 lbs., my husband took me out to dinner and insisted I treat myself to a burger. I had a patty melt at Red Robin and it was the most delicious thing I had ever eaten. I think my husband enjoyed listening to me rave about the burger as much as I enjoyed eating it. And that night taught me several important lessons as well. First, it's okay to eat the foods you love, even the "bad ones," so long as they are a treat and not an everyday staple of your diet. Second, something you only eat once in a while tastes so much better and is such a treat that you enjoy it even more than if you got to have it any time you wanted. And finally, despite how much I enjoyed my burger, I learned that I shouldn't reward weight loss with food. Better to treat myself to a new blouse. Still, that was probably the best patty melt I've ever had.

It's been a little over 6 months since I've had a soda, and while I do miss it occassionally, I've gotten used to drinking iced tea instead. I would argue that, especially in the summertime, there's nothing better than a tall, cold glass of iced tea. Not even a tall cold glass of Dr. Pepper.

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